When he was about nine or ten years old, Christian made his first attempt at suicide. In the moments of deep depression he has experienced since then, Christian has felt emotionally and spiritually numb and his belief in God as his personal loving Heavenly Father has been shaken. Growing up, it was never really hard for Christian to believe the teachings of the Church. Yet, from a young age, he was concerned with his relationship with God and he sometimes felt a certain disconnect from Him. Through adolescence, Christian understood that there was gay and there was straight and that there could not be anything in between. After returning home from his mission, he grappled with the idea that, because he had not miraculously been made straight, he had somehow failed as a missionary and a disciple of Christ. Now Christian identifies as bisexual and feels completely open to the idea of marrying a man or a woman. Navigating the pressure that he feels from the Church to marry a woman and the pressure from the gay community to marry a man is sometimes hard. And, while he might not know whether it will be better for him to marry a man or a woman, he does know that he wants marriage and that he wants a family. Christian has developed a deep love for and trust in God, Jesus Christ, and the Atonement, and he would like to find a spouse that shares those beliefs and his love for the Church. Finding someone like that can sometimes feel like finding a needle in a haystack, but Christian believes that God wants him to have experiences in life that will help him to grow to be more like Him, and he feels that marriage and raising children are a part of that. For now, Christian is working to maintain his integrity without giving up on his beliefs and is trying to stick to the things that have made him happy and have given him stability and identity. In maintaining his values and being true to himself, Christian hopes to find someone to share his life with that is just as true to him or her self.
(The views expressed in this interview do not necessarily reflect those of the producers of Far Between but are reflective of some aspects of what it means to be LGBT and Mormon today.)