Bridey now believes she doesn’t have to choose between her faith and her sexuality, but it took years of self-hate, pain, and disappointment to understand who she was and what she wanted. When Bridey first realized that she was a lesbian, she immediately felt like a bad or evil person. At first she believed that being gay meant being promiscuous, doing drugs, and drinking alcohol—a lifestyle that held no draw for her. At the same time, Bridey felt pushed away from the church. She lived in fear that church members would “find out who she really is” and reject her. Bridey bargained with God, promising to be strictly obedient in exchange for “removal of the burden” of being gay. Despite her obedience and prayers, there was no change in Bridey’s feelings and she felt abandoned by God. It wasn’t until Bridey met people at BYU that had similar experiences to her own that she finally began to feel peace between her faith and sexuality. Bridey now knows that God did not abandon her and that He loves her unconditionally.

by Martha Ostergar

 

(The views expressed in this interview do not necessarily reflect those of the producers of Far Between but are reflective of some aspects of what it means to be homosexual and Mormon today.)